Days 12 and 13- Nocturnal Reality

9th (yesterday) is in numerology an all powerful number, means completion and attainment. Beginning and End. At this point I have finished half of my year, which mean I'm very close to graduating. I still tend to loose myself. I tend to loose my way and wander into the night. I build things up and get myself full of hopes and then mess it up. Emotional life seems like a collection of ups and downs, moments worth living for, and moments not so good.... still worth living for :) Live music has turned into my savior. From jazz rescuing my heart from the grasp of melancholy, to a classical piano elevating my whole being, my soul, to a pop-ish gig where my best friends and I dance till our bodies drop, to a group of beat boxers in the train, putting some color in the life of the passers by. Life. Each one so different, remind me of the many levels we are composed of.
I some times loose my way, I sometimes loose my self. Drugs. 9 is a highly spiritual number. My best friend and I saw reality differently  yesterday, it was our world, it all made sense for a night. It all makes sense anyway, when you are willing to perceive it with your heart. I succeed and fail at the same time, like a warrior with a vulnerable mind. I'm trying to wake her up. In some cultures 9 represents supreme intelligence. Ours was numb and twisted and sometimes very deep and sometimes very superficial. We danced and then we danced in our minds.

paper we wrote last night. Each one had one side and couldn't see what the other was writing. Pure smokey honesty. The best comes out.
Today is the 10th. After a nocturnal raw soul exploration, raw raw raw, the 10th appears as Rebirth, or that which stirs and awakens your soul at this time. As usual I can say 'what have I done?'
Ten is the number of the cosmos. I feel no doubts, I just don't know how to approach you, or him or her. The decad contains all numbers and therefore all things and possibilities. You can do whatever, you know.

Ten is also the number of completion of journeys and returns to origins. Like things moving in a circle. I owed you that night. I want to tell her. You and my old self have a long story don't we...
Recover, remember, re-set, rebirth. She says I have more experience of the world than I think, I smile. Who knows. Today we can decide whether we sink with the Babylonian boat, or we fly or we float.