party like its 1999 again

Making an animated gif

the funny thing about being me is that I am so aware about the actual state of my self. The anxious, defenseless girl that feels less and is really geeky and brainy and thinks in quotes from books and grew up in Spanish vs. the confident, life of the party, I don't care what people say I have more fun than anyone in the world ever that people see. They think I have reached a level. I'm not even half of half way. I just learnt to have more fun, in life.

Longing....

How do you make gifs

This incredibly fun gif above which you probably don't understand or find irrelevant is a nostalgic review of my younger self. The girl with the fringe in both is me, she, rather. I remember a time when I used to tell girls how its done and party with my friends, usually boys, usually funny. Those were easy times....
The difference from now is the awareness that I should be planning the future. More mature concerns. I have to re-learn to have fun. I don't feel like telling the girls hows its done, I guess what I really want to tell them is to read more books and learn things otherwise people who know the things you haven't learn will find it very easy to use yo. I can't have that same cerelessnessnesss anymore. Those were the times when ignorance was bliss. First year of uni. I didnt know philosophy was gonna mess my brain around so much. I guess its normal to feel a little bit of longing at the beginning of a new year, when everything is so unexpected and only the past seems somehow real.

cheers
x
azile

I have essays to do. In order to finish my degree. In order to have papers that say I should do a better job. I don't feel like it. Only painting makes me happy. The future is confusing. What am I gonna do in the future?

Oh hello 2012

after a piece of fiction and three days procrastination, here it is: a post to the newly born year.
The important thing about this new year besides the changing number in the calendar is I guess, the fact that something in the Universe, in the planet or nature must move a bit as well, or so I hope. We need a change. I honestly fear the problem is that humans have become too materialistic when actually we are beings with feelings and affections. Trust me, a kid with nice shoes is not guaranteed to be a good/better/happier kid that one without the shoes.
Anyway, that's my view, I hope for change but like MJ said, you have to start with yourself, so I'm gonna do resolutions...
1) I realize on this blog I rant a lot about my job, so my first resolution is going to be to spend my work money wisely, because its costs me my dignity or to find a better way of getting paper (ideally writing and/or painting). Basically don't spend my pay in £5 t-shirts from bad quality shops. No. There's people who would eat with that moneys.
2) To learn more violin. This is an enterprise I actually begun at 16 but since then I've moved countries and shmoked too many trees to remember, anyway, this year its happening.
3) To finish my degree with a first class degree. This one is ambitious but do-able if I put all my effort into it. I say aim higher than your arrow 'realistically' can achieve and it will go higher.
4) Be more tidy.
5) Find something to do when I graduate. I want to travel South America (my homeland) and do some volunteer work around the world, my mum thinks I need therapy before I go, its true, she thinks that'll be good for my mind. Still, I need to sort out where to go? how?
6) I've been thinking about this one for a while, this year I want to start making traditions/habits, I know its late and weird, but I want to make some traditions like 'drinking red tea on Sundays' and 'doing my laundry on Mondays' or 'always setting the table on fire on Christmas' and things of the sort, I believe having those little traditions will give me some sort of home feeling or stability in this ever changing world and specially with my ever changing mind.
7) Do more paintings and sell at least 5 of them. Why? Because I need to paint more and learn to let go.
8) Be more healthy. Like crazy Healthy. Like gree-tea-breather-olympic-runner-optimum-heart-beat-disease-free-freak healthy. and sleep more.
9) To tell the truth and get more into my philosophy.
10) (last but not least, cus I decided to do 10) is to learn Russian, my dad's language, very useful for life.

disclaimer: resolutions may be added or subtracted but only between the months of January and March, so till my birthday.

If the world ends, oh well... but I want you all to know that I tried, I tried so hard. If it doesn't, then know that I am that thing that Mayas warned you about.
x
azile