The Last Days- 25, 26, 27, 28, 29 and 30. The End

The end of the challenge. Unfortunately, I am not consistent enough to have written up every day everything I learnt. Essentially, this challenge time was a time to teach myself things and be more aware of my learning and surroundings. Two years ago I taught myself how to paint, I'm getting better all the time. This time I taught myself how to play guitar. I'm just starting. And all the time we are learning how to live. And why is this important or even worth mentioning you may ask? Well, its because in this day and age of uncertainty, when the world looks so mad (and it really is) the only thing you can 'have' are your skills. Teaching yourself or learning skills is incredibly important, for self-development, for creativity, to simply make something out of your brief visit to planet Earth; and when you try, something, it can be a wonderful place.
That is what I have learnt during this past 30 days. To enter information into my life, to learn more and try to know more and help more. People are really scared, we only have to look around, so if you can shake that fear of, because we are better than that and do something amazing, or anything at all, if we complain when something is unfair and do something creative, then we make this thing worth living. You may say that in destiny, everything is meant to be, you can say, but it rather is meant to be made, by you. I learnt to do something, be more honest, take more action and not live in regret. Everyday I learn to trust yet to be careful. To learn something important about our world, such as how the Federal Reserve works and also to get lost in a novel, some music or doing a painting. What can I say? Make. Your. Days. Count.

THE END.

Days 21, 22, 23 and 24- Accelerated Learning

Again, I haven't been able to keep up with this blog daily. I guess that is why I couldn't keep a 9 to 5 job. Inconsistency. I work in spurts of energy. That's how I function. Still, the learning has actually been consistent, great and I would even say, accelerated. Maybe the numerology equivalent of the dates will help me explain: 18+19+20+21=78=7+8=17 1+7=8
Is a number that resolves dualities, its a number of expansion. Lately I have felt that my life is doing nothing but expanding. To see things more clearly. To breathe freedom. Knowledge is definitely freedom and power, specially over yourself. 8 connects spirit and matter. What can I say? I live for my spirit, how else is one to live, but we have to maintain this body. Happiness. Is it to know or to create? Creativity is the hue that paints my world with meaning. 8 also means developing confidence to follow a vision and breaks down barriers of transformation, reality, courage. Today I felt that the Universe likes me, thanks.
There was an eclipse last night. I spent it in a special place of this park, with a very good person. What happened? Grounded-ness, a bit of peace for my heart in this corner of the world, in the middle of such a hectic city as London.
If that peace could have been expanded and made to cover Earth like a blanket... if only.
So, in this life I learn to live... between stars, grass, arguments, love, music, jealousy, indecision, memories, milk, bread, chess, beds, embraces, knowledge, woods and disguised pixies. Clearing the path, a voice in the back of my head says. The path. For you, my friend.

Out of love I want to tell you that I don't want to rid you of your demons. Deal with them. Purify yourself. Face. The. Music.

Day 20- Navigating through Life

17th of May 1+7=8 again. Spiritually, 8 is the goal of the initiate, after going through 7 stages. I have my second to last exam tomorrow, so it's not graduation time yet, but in other senses, today was a day of goals.
8 is the symbol of infinity, only standing up. A man in a shop asked me where I was from. I told him and asked him where he though I was from, he said 'anywhere, everywhere'; he sounded slightly disappointed that I wasn't Chinese. I like to have an infinite possibility of places to belong to, in my face.
Today has felt like my heart is sitting on the edge of a razor blade, unsafe, sharp, but somehow not as dangerous as it sounds, although it could be. I've navigated through life with a fraction of a second timing and a nervous heart, still, everything keeps working out perfectly, in the end.
I almost got ran over by a car, it missed me by a millimeter, I bought a coffee and had the exact money. Really small yet interesting things. Like a security guard that didn't let me enter a building, I had to get a card of some sort, got the card, turns out I needed the card for some other things and would not have gotten it otherwise. The man in the counter looked hypnotized, he even forgot to charge me. People can act so strange.
The only reason why we can't see order is because we don't understand order, I believe.
An incredibly beautiful woman was standing outside the station holding a McDonalds sign. I looked at her and she sensed the disbelief in my eyes, she laughed, I laughed, this is how my disillusionment in the world gets refreshed and then broken down, everyday. So ridiculous. She shouldn't have been there, but maybe she did. Some times all I can say is 'what do I know?'To then find perfection in the development of life. If we could only see the bigger circle outside the small circle of our mundane problems... if we could read the clues of the universe, interpret the symbols and talk with infinity, if only. Still, today I navigated through life with considerable grace, wrote a poem and even if my heart felt as unstable as ever, at least, at the very least, it always feels something, something intense. Oh and for tomorrow, wish me luck.

Some Concentric Circles that compose our world.

Days 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19!!!

The reason why I haven't lived up to my challenge (blog wise) this past few days has been that I went to Liverpool, for a long, amazing weekend to celebrate the birthdays of 2 very special people indeed.
The dates have been: 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 and 16. To follow my numerology pattern, I will add up all the numbers and the total number will be the number that will somehow explain the reality of the moment.
1+1+1+2+1+3+1+4+1+5+1+6=27   2+7=9
9 The highest degree of change.

this painting is called Dreams Door by Kevin Hooker. And there could not be a more appropriate image to describe the mental journeys that have been taking place on this past 6 days.
9 is a number of completion and fulfillment. I can say, that in my friend's (beautiful M&M) flat and in some incredible hideouts in the streets of Liverpool, I enjoyed my existence to the fullest.
Life has a certain way to elevate you and ground you. The Earthly Paradise. The Dreams Door.

Days 12 and 13- Nocturnal Reality

9th (yesterday) is in numerology an all powerful number, means completion and attainment. Beginning and End. At this point I have finished half of my year, which mean I'm very close to graduating. I still tend to loose myself. I tend to loose my way and wander into the night. I build things up and get myself full of hopes and then mess it up. Emotional life seems like a collection of ups and downs, moments worth living for, and moments not so good.... still worth living for :) Live music has turned into my savior. From jazz rescuing my heart from the grasp of melancholy, to a classical piano elevating my whole being, my soul, to a pop-ish gig where my best friends and I dance till our bodies drop, to a group of beat boxers in the train, putting some color in the life of the passers by. Life. Each one so different, remind me of the many levels we are composed of.
I some times loose my way, I sometimes loose my self. Drugs. 9 is a highly spiritual number. My best friend and I saw reality differently  yesterday, it was our world, it all made sense for a night. It all makes sense anyway, when you are willing to perceive it with your heart. I succeed and fail at the same time, like a warrior with a vulnerable mind. I'm trying to wake her up. In some cultures 9 represents supreme intelligence. Ours was numb and twisted and sometimes very deep and sometimes very superficial. We danced and then we danced in our minds.

paper we wrote last night. Each one had one side and couldn't see what the other was writing. Pure smokey honesty. The best comes out.
Today is the 10th. After a nocturnal raw soul exploration, raw raw raw, the 10th appears as Rebirth, or that which stirs and awakens your soul at this time. As usual I can say 'what have I done?'
Ten is the number of the cosmos. I feel no doubts, I just don't know how to approach you, or him or her. The decad contains all numbers and therefore all things and possibilities. You can do whatever, you know.

Ten is also the number of completion of journeys and returns to origins. Like things moving in a circle. I owed you that night. I want to tell her. You and my old self have a long story don't we...
Recover, remember, re-set, rebirth. She says I have more experience of the world than I think, I smile. Who knows. Today we can decide whether we sink with the Babylonian boat, or we fly or we float.

Day 11- Strength

8th. 888. Spiritually 8 is gaining a goal. It means infinity, means regaining paradise.
Eight is solidarity, as the first cube and it shows perfection by virtue of it's six surfaces. Eight represents the pairs of opposites. The octagon is the beginning of the transformation of the square into a circle and vice versa. Perfect rhythm.
I did my last presentation today, for my course. Mind and Madness, a class I've attended every Tuesday for a year is over. There was an anti-climax, followed by regeneration. 8 is the number of intelligence. Hopefully I used mine.... Sleep and Jazz followed. 8 is also the number of resurrection. After 7 days of fasting 8 comes with renewal. Today I truly felt that time was mine, for a while I felt compelled to do certain things, today was fully my choice. Indecision did knock at my door but in the end, you have to breath deep and say 'yes' and 'no' to your choices.
In Buddhism 8 compresses all possibilities. At the end, any possibility compresses all possibilitites. I found my self with one foot in and another out the door. Hesitant. In the end I went out, the night felt surprisingly how I felt inside. Warm yet dark and sometimes cold. I just let the wind take me. Went to see music. That was my celebration. Music makes me be in the moment, not expecting. Even the saddest pieces made me smile. 8 is regeneration and rebirth. And the number of Thoth.

Again, 8 is the number of all possibilities. I started a new painting. 8 is the number of immortality. Immortal. 888. This is a surreal version of card 8 in the Tarot, Strength.

Days 9 and 10- Productivity and Divinity

I have yet again had to compress 2 days into one post. This time, I've been thinking about the purpose of this whole challenge, it seemed so important, yet so vague. I guess what it really does for me, as any routine or activity that people do with constancy, is to ground you. It gives you an opportunity to analyse how things are, where they are heading and the relation to numerology helps me to see 'coincidences' or patterns in daily life.
The 6th of May, as 6 represents equilibrium; harmony, balance, it was a good day, dedicated in trying to keep balance within the people I interact (my family, friends) although lately I find solitude to soothing...  1+2+3=6 thus is also is the most productive of all numbers. I have found myself doing so many little projects, learning so many little (yet important) things that I need to be productive, at least in one. People around me seem to have this 'productive' state of mind going on too. Finish what I started, I'm so close.
Six is the symbol of luck; love; health; beauty; chance. Lovely. I am grateful with life in that at the minute, I seem to have luck, love, health and the world is beautiful. The chaos. Beautiful still. Life can be like the winning number at the throw of the dice, a rolling 6 if you let it.

If 6 represents humanity, then 7 (7th of May) is the center of the spiral, it's humanity's connection to its source, god consciousness or whatever you name it. Seven, ladies and gentlemen, is the number of the Universe. It is the three of the heavens (soul) combined with the four (body) of the earth; being the first number containing both the spiritual and the temporal. 7 also represents the virginity of the Great Mother, feminine archetype/ She who creates! Today, besides productivity, I have been guided to have a look at the divine. Why do we want to do things for at the end of the day? For a better world? To satisfy our souls? To live a life for livings sake? Underlying meaning, I seek for you.

There are 7:
ages of man
ancient wonders of the world
circles of Universe
cosmic stages
days of the week
musical notes - sound as frequency plays a key roll in matters of Universe. MUSIC. Deep language.
To create for a higher meaning, to live in all fullness... it's difficult, this life thing.

Day 8- Shape

5th of May, In numerology, five is the number of the human being, human forms and the pentagon when arms and legs are out stretched. The pentagon shares the symbolism of perfection and power of the circle.
Today, I came back to my family home and spent a lot of time reading up on my Ascendant sign: Gemini. It explained a lot. It's a curious sign, always curious, always fidgety, quite nervous, thinking of duality (yeah baby that's me... at least to others), talkative, always has something to say and extremely adaptable. I was reading about the physical characteristics, the 'human form' of it, and it says that long limbs are almost always the case (me again) and a generally adaptable physique, specially the face. I've always felt that my face changes more than other people's, really, I can even see the changes, my voice can do it as well, I keep certain things but it can change so much that my own friends don't recognize me in the streets. That's why I like piercings and tattoos, they seem more permanent than my "features" and that is also why I have the habit of taking a picture of my face everyday, because I know how much it changes. I just morph and adapt and like to have friends of all shapes and sizes that have nothing in common with each other, yet they all blend in me. When I read this and thought about it, I got scared, my human form is so undefined haha... I thought that maybe that's why I didn't use to let people get too close... because of my weird real self. It also said I'm gonna look forever young, sweet. Gemini is a sign of communication though, I guess you have to adapt in order to spread messages to as many people as possible. I like that.
It's strange how once you feel your identity is threatened you can act in such strange ways, like me getting scared, yet the human form is so irrelevant.
As with everything, you don't have to go full-in with your believe in it, I mean, its been good to find this out but it doesn't need to define me, or I can just morph into something else haha.
5 also represents meditation, religion and versatility (versatility and adaptation, here we go again).
It also represents the 5 senses, to which I gave attention today :), in the East there are 6 senses, the Mind also counts. So the five pointed star depicts individuality, spiritual aspiration and education when it points up, but when it points down it represents witchcraft and it is widely used in black magic. I spent quite a long time today talking with my skeptic (yet not so skeptic) mother about energy and magic. We recalled a time of our lives when this was evident and present. It was a great conversation.

just a chameleon doing it's thing, like my face.

Days 6 and 7

Yesterday and today's posts are combined into one, for two reasons, one, we already encountered number 3 in numerology and secondly, because both days were dedicated to similar activities, all within the 30 day challenge of learning to live life better.
4th of May, 4 represents the 4th dimension which is time, which is an illusion. Time seems to be flying by lately, this illusion goes by in quick chunks of entire hours! But 4 is at the same time, the first solid number, wholeness, totality and completion occur today. I did do complete (and keep completing practical things today) specially in life respects (what to do with my days?) and some creative things, I have many poster ideas and both yesterday and today I've been writing a song, its silly and its finished.
I booked a ticket to Liverpool. I'm gonna visit friends and I'm excited like a child who has been promised infinite chocolate.
4 is a number of justice and rationality. I have to write a just and rational essay today.
There are 4 cardinal point,  4 seasons, 4 directions and 4 elements, 4 faces of the moon, 4 points of the cross.
This spring day calls for a 'come back down to earth!' attitude to my spaced out self. It's acted a warning telling me to look after practical matters. Writing essays, budgeting money, cleaning, and practicing my fun things, like playing with a guitar and painting, which have to be taken seriously as well. I'm off before I become a square (4) as opposed to a groovy person.

Square (4) picture of an eye I made in paint today.

Day 5- Dependence

2nd of May. I hardly slept, if at all. Started writing this post at 8 am, although I usually love my bed. For the 2nd night in a row I woke up with a sudden gasp. Weird. This time everything feels out of place, I'm over ridden by both hope and anxiety. I have no patient animals/elements in my zodiac, I have looked at 8 zodiacs including my native american sign (falcon) and celtic animal (fox) and no patience. Now I'm gonna wear 2 amethysts, for patience. I want everything now. I love change. Can I calmly solve a situation and give time time? 2 of duality and conflict will show. In numerology: DUALITY, alteration, conflict, DEPENDENCE (my big lesson). Two is a static condition. Polar opposites. Transitory and corruptible.
This day is going to be used to think about all the attachments I have, all the things I am dependent on, which both make me happy but also tie my down and make me sad. I can't help but think that I'm graduating soon, life will start a new face, by the time I finish the challenge. Happy/sad tint to it.
(I saw a picture of some shoes in a jar and it made me hungry, I'm so human...)
people, other people make you think of the number 2, couples and relationships. Can I be free and coupled (coupled?) at the same time?
My own duality lays between acting in a self-preserving way or an all-giving way. Something tells me the all giving way is the right way, to spread love and then the universe will provide. Can I let go?

This time two pictures. Me doing something "symmetrical" and two foxes.

Day 4- Alone-nesss

May 1st, number 1... represents the single entity. Single entity. We come to the world alone. Considered the prime number. The beginning. The creator. First cause. May 1st is a strong pagan day. Essence and center. Some refer it to isolation, I wanted to be all alone today, people didn't let me. I wanted to pay my respects to 1, the sum of all possibilities; but the contrary happened and I spent all day in company of loving friends. One of them said: right now, you are my family and this wine I'm getting you is your food. Pretty symbolic. Family. In Chinese culture it refers to the Yang, masculine. I spent my day among males, with the exception of my best friend who is a girl. 

this is a painting of various birds, note how they are all alone and unique but give company to each other.

The day when I willingly choose to accept the absolute alone-nes of life, people come to show me what is to have a community. We are all alone, we are all connected. We are all moving in this vast beautiful circle. "I was reading and you made me a latte, you asked what I was reading, I told you but you didn't care. You played a song that moved me to tears. I'm alone with you."Lesson: still this day taught me I don't need anyone (you), and when I set you (someone) free is the only time I really have you (anyone).