this needs a name.

The snow melts really fast on this Febuary, 3rd. I just wait, patienly, for it to vanish bringging a revelation with its new liquidness. Something, anything, to make me get-up and carry on. procrastination. Seems to be the constant state of mind and living this week.
Our voices, your laugh, how it feels to touch your skin, I know you like it and that makes me love it. I can't wait. I need you here. I need you with me.
I know it is not selfishness... I remember the first tme you left. The sadness was so deep that it took a couple of days to get back to the surface again. My brother was around, I wasn't alone, today I am.
The second time you left, the second time... we knew you had to, it was almost as completing a duty. We knew you had to take that plane, get back to your normal life, get a job...
The thrid time you left, it was so cold... I wanted to kiss you some more, but we were both going to be late. I went to my exam, you went back to New York, again. I remember your eyes looking away, I remember how you moved, trembling slightly, silent. You were leaving me for a thrid time. I always am the one who leaves. Now it is you and your soft energy. I know you are still around, and that you'll always be in my heart, but its hard to carry on when I had you so physical, so mine. During those three times, I had you only for me. I feel as if I lost something unique.
I know, I know this give us room to plan and to do... I know I will visit you soon and that you will come back, to leave me, for a fourth time.

azile.

x

ps: its may not febuary now... but azile wants to publish it. its time. like a revelation.
there was a fourth visit... yes, there was a fourth one.