Back in Time...

So, this post is about where I am at the moment and why. Where? I am in Quito, Ecuador. This is the land that raised me, up till I turned 17 and moved to London, because of circumstances, not choice. I am back after living in England for 6 years and a half or so, if you want to know how old I am, just do the math. Why am I here? That is the hardest question. I think it was time to get back, it was time to face the life I left and the person I´ve become too.

Being back in Quito is so surreal, specially since they are such different worlds, Quito and London. Industrialised vs. developing world. Empire and colony, hot and cold, island and mountain, known and proud vs hidden and modest... I find contrasts between the two in almost every aspect! But the biggest I´ve found is the contrast between old and new. England is the old world and Ecuador and Latin America are the new world. Yet for me, Quito is the old life and London the new life. Yet here I want to make a small comment, globalisation, for better or worse (definitely for worse) has made the two places, Europe and Latin America, look strangely similar, specially in things like shops and fashion, but this is only a superficial similarity. The psyche of the people in the two places is different, especially the old people. Young people, because of the internet I believe, think quite similar in both places and seem to be interested in similar issues.

I actually always had two cultures in me, my mum being Ecuadorian and my dad being Belorussian (its very random, I know), but my father´s influence has only ever been genetic in me, I know nothing about his culture, and Ecuador is where I grew up. So Ecuador is by all means, my land.

When I left, I felt like a plant that was taken from one soil, planted in a completely different soil, made to grow and now, I´m back in the old soil... and all before I even ripe and give fruits! Sometimes this saddens me. I feel, like I´m 6 years late to the party. To everything. Everyone is bigger, they´ve graduated, some even had kids, and some of their kids are big... I missed out on everything. Supposedly the love stays and I´ve witnessed with my own eyes how the essence doesn´t change, but trust me, there is a special connection and beauty that happens when you spend real time with people, when you see them grow. Moving countries stops you from doing that, and although everything is new and fresh and exciting, it´ll never have the warmth of that familiar, of home, of the known. In a way, I understand gypsies, and I have had the privilege to explore the human mind in two languages and to really meet people, not just live of stereotypes.

Yes, I do think I am lucky enough to have experienced many cultures, two cultures to a big extent and now I feel like I see, I see far and wide but sometimes, flying away, my heart gets caught in the wind. Life is constantly changing. In England I had the opportunity to completely reinvent myself. I studied, worked, made my own enterprise... I didn´t have to hold on to the old hang ups of my childhood and school life of here in South America. I was able to change my views, my aesthetics, my life choices, my view of people. I grew to love people because of who they are much more than before, when my infantile mind was focused on strange concepts of popularity. This sounds like a fun adventure, but it was actually the hardest things I´ve ever had to do. We are unaware of how much our identity is based on the culture we belong to, conscious or unconsciously, yet we only really see it and get to question WHO we are, when we are taken away from the comfort of belonging to a land, to a people.

In a way, this is the best experience I´ve ever had. Seeing the country and the friends I grew up with after 6 years. It feels as if I just stepped into a time machine and now we´re all big, in the future or present. Here I am, in the time of the reckoner. Full of choices and life, right in the land that made me, and with the choice of returning to the land that freed me.