This planet is a huge school.

I haven't been too active in my writing this past co
uple of months... mainly because I've been deciding what to do with my life. I still haven't decided but I am opening doors for myself, and that is something.
 I haven't been wasting though, and that is why I got inspired to write this post...
If there is one thing I am convinced of, is that this planet is a school. I'm so certain of it because learning is the prime activity of our lives/brains. Consciously or unconsciously. What do we get when we don't achieve what we wanted to achieve in something? "At least you learnt something". This is  not just an attempt at sympathy; this is also the main motor of our lives. I don't just mean academic minds and lives, but everyone's lives. Whether we are conscious of it or not, we are learning ALL the time. We are learning how systems work, how stuff works, how other people work, how our emotions work, we are learning words, we are learning lessons, we are learning skills. We make it a priority to send our children to education and in a weird weird we praise and value formal education (I say weird way because we let our students be completely overridden by crippling debt).
So I decided to take the matter to my own hands and educate myself, teach myself, everything I want to know.
I've always been quite independent with what I read. I've read books all my life, I choose them but I also consult others, I look on the internet or I ask friends that I respect what they are reading or read books they recommend. I'm the friend that reads that book you lend her. But also, I have two passions that at the moment, I can't properly afford to fund.
This are music and art. Its pretty general I know, but I've tried to bring them closer to my world by actually making music and making art, but also by listening to music and seeing art (which is everywhere!).
There is a third thing I decided to learn, and that is Russian, my father's language (well, technically he is Belorussian but Russian is also spoken there and there are more resources for learning it).
So, today as I write this post, I want to tell you that although I'm not AMAZING at any of these things yet, it IS possible to teach yourself, and it is easier than other activities, because the things you learn are the things you love and therefore, they feed you (internally).
I have painted for a couple of years, but I knew nothing about the technical aspects of drawing and etc so I got a book on it. All I do is set myself a little time and work through a couple of pages everyday day. Not too many, sometimes just one, and I do have days off. But I can tell you now that I can draw a pretty realistic bear!
For music, I feel that singing is the most natural thing and in my case, the most yearned thing. So I started to learn how to sing and play the guitar (I started pretty informally a couple of years ago) but now I got myself a book and started to read music. I also only do like one page a day or so...
Finally, I got a children's book on 'My first 100 Russian words' I stared by reading it casually, until my brain got used to it and I started studying it.
These days, I am happy to tell you that I just finished the first guitar book (pretty thin, simple and basic... but gives you a great sense of achievement). And two days ago I finished the Russian book.
I'm ready for the next stage and I'm also better at organising my time, as I really want to learn these things.
I know it isn't that easy. I know you have jobs to go to and I don't at the moment, but I will start working soon. But the point is not that. The point is not take on a lot of activities and work really hard... The point is that if you want to learn something, anything, you can teach yourself. There will be resources, for beginners, for advanced, for intermediate.. etc... and if you give yourself even twenty minutes a day, it really makes a difference, and if you do it every day, it really a difference fast.
You don't just have to go and learn what the world throws at your face and tells you its useful, no, you can choose what you want to know and be and be your own teacher, after all, that voice inside our heads is like a constant teacher too.
I'm happy I made a choice to learn. I'm proving myself that there are motivations apart from money (stronger than money) to do things.
This planet is a school, use it.

Back in Time...

So, this post is about where I am at the moment and why. Where? I am in Quito, Ecuador. This is the land that raised me, up till I turned 17 and moved to London, because of circumstances, not choice. I am back after living in England for 6 years and a half or so, if you want to know how old I am, just do the math. Why am I here? That is the hardest question. I think it was time to get back, it was time to face the life I left and the person I´ve become too.

Being back in Quito is so surreal, specially since they are such different worlds, Quito and London. Industrialised vs. developing world. Empire and colony, hot and cold, island and mountain, known and proud vs hidden and modest... I find contrasts between the two in almost every aspect! But the biggest I´ve found is the contrast between old and new. England is the old world and Ecuador and Latin America are the new world. Yet for me, Quito is the old life and London the new life. Yet here I want to make a small comment, globalisation, for better or worse (definitely for worse) has made the two places, Europe and Latin America, look strangely similar, specially in things like shops and fashion, but this is only a superficial similarity. The psyche of the people in the two places is different, especially the old people. Young people, because of the internet I believe, think quite similar in both places and seem to be interested in similar issues.

I actually always had two cultures in me, my mum being Ecuadorian and my dad being Belorussian (its very random, I know), but my father´s influence has only ever been genetic in me, I know nothing about his culture, and Ecuador is where I grew up. So Ecuador is by all means, my land.

When I left, I felt like a plant that was taken from one soil, planted in a completely different soil, made to grow and now, I´m back in the old soil... and all before I even ripe and give fruits! Sometimes this saddens me. I feel, like I´m 6 years late to the party. To everything. Everyone is bigger, they´ve graduated, some even had kids, and some of their kids are big... I missed out on everything. Supposedly the love stays and I´ve witnessed with my own eyes how the essence doesn´t change, but trust me, there is a special connection and beauty that happens when you spend real time with people, when you see them grow. Moving countries stops you from doing that, and although everything is new and fresh and exciting, it´ll never have the warmth of that familiar, of home, of the known. In a way, I understand gypsies, and I have had the privilege to explore the human mind in two languages and to really meet people, not just live of stereotypes.

Yes, I do think I am lucky enough to have experienced many cultures, two cultures to a big extent and now I feel like I see, I see far and wide but sometimes, flying away, my heart gets caught in the wind. Life is constantly changing. In England I had the opportunity to completely reinvent myself. I studied, worked, made my own enterprise... I didn´t have to hold on to the old hang ups of my childhood and school life of here in South America. I was able to change my views, my aesthetics, my life choices, my view of people. I grew to love people because of who they are much more than before, when my infantile mind was focused on strange concepts of popularity. This sounds like a fun adventure, but it was actually the hardest things I´ve ever had to do. We are unaware of how much our identity is based on the culture we belong to, conscious or unconsciously, yet we only really see it and get to question WHO we are, when we are taken away from the comfort of belonging to a land, to a people.

In a way, this is the best experience I´ve ever had. Seeing the country and the friends I grew up with after 6 years. It feels as if I just stepped into a time machine and now we´re all big, in the future or present. Here I am, in the time of the reckoner. Full of choices and life, right in the land that made me, and with the choice of returning to the land that freed me.

I'm gonna start a revolution from my bed (desk)!

The summer left. It sunk it the deep colours and unexpected rains of Autumn. Its ok, all is well. Its natural to change. In case you haven't noticed, all is in absolute movement around us. We are changing, trying to find static things to hold on to will do nothing but damage. We must be dynamic, dynamic and kind, kind to others.

Patriotism is an Act of Violence!

Here is the debate, what are the things we have caused and can be accounted for and what are the things we have not and are can therefore not feel responsible?

Nationality is as accidental as eye colour. We did not consciously choose them. We cannot yet say they are our fault or responsibility.

Another example is the current war in Iraq. People do not currently feel their actions or lack of them are part of the reason for this ongoing massacre, even though our life style might be part of the reason. Nonetheless we hear countless amounts of people feeling proud of this or that Empire’s achievements regardless of the destruction it brought to others. Maybe your ancestors were very active in it. I do not know. But I have seen people very willing to ascribe the achievements of certain historical periods upon themselves; and of course, we have a selective memory on what events really took place, and which ones we are ‘proud of’.

To me, to belong to a nation is a violent act as it starts the mindset of division we live under. The concept of otherness is one of the first steps towards violence. It justifies hurting other people, we thus create: the enemy. The argument of tribalism is far too removed from our current black tie politics. Thus I look at nationality as it currently stands.

But nationality is not the only division we accept; there is also race, religion and gender, just to name a few. We have not learnt yet to accept and acknowledge our humanity first? But no, we insist on wearing flags as drapery and as a poor excuse for selfhood, for an identity. Who are you? An English man? A Hungarian woman? A Congolese child? Or are you not David first? Are you not yourself first? An autonomous individual perhaps? A thinking-feeling-breathing being. I believe that before you subscribe to your assigned political identity you might want to have a look at the aspects of yourself that you are actually responsible for.

Nationality as such, for millions of human beings, is a very new thing. It may come as a shock for the English for example, who have a relatively old nation, to hear that there are over 30 new countries created after the 1990s. How would you feel if you were an old man from current Croatia but who grew up on former Yugoslavia before its dissolution in 1991? Who is he? A Croatian? A Yugoslav? A man. A human. With rights and an identity, regardless of politically designed boarders. We owed it to ourselves to have an independent outlook on political maps and divisions. Maybe you can see how to be a patriot is a difficult matter, a very confusing matter indeed, for millions of human beings. There are other examples of this, the artificially created nations and their manufactured culture, such as America the land of hamburgers from Hamburg and Israel who now wants to claim hummus as its very own. Humus comes from Hum, a city in Syria.

Please don’t think that with this article I am trying to undermine the feeling of community that belonging to a culture brings. I believe nationality and culture to be different to a great extent, and saying that, I do believe we can and should feel pride and joy about other people’s achievements. But in our world, to speak about the achievement of a nation has usually imperialistic or colonialist (or underdog) connotations. Culture is a very relative thing which usually means variety on our outlook on life. Whereas nationality usually brings political connotations as it is derived from boarders, not from common goals.

Speaking from a mixed background I perhaps have a more flexible outlook on this. I come from a nation where ‘our’ biggest achievement for a while was to qualify for a football cup. Perhaps you remember us, Ecuador. The whole country celebrated together as if, we did it together. I do agree that the sharing is all very nice, but looking at it objectively, it was all a bit artificial and there was nothing of substance to really cheer about. We all went back to our lives, judged by our passports. My other half belongs to a recently dissolved ex-Soviet Union country. The day I was born, Belarus, where I was born, gained independence from the Soviet Union. Shall this inflame my chest with a feeling of passionate patriotism and belonging? No. Why? Because some political figures that do not remotely care about me or the people (Belarus is still a nation under a dictator, look it up) signed a paper? No. To identify me, my personhood, my mind, my body, my experiences with a nation, is simplistic, is separatist. It would be a lazy outlook that we have designed to classify fellow human beings and to put them in boxes. We enjoy the classifying and standardising of everything, after all, this is a confusing world, is it not? And getting to know something is way too hard, is it not?

I do understand that belonging to a nation such as England, with its proud history, which I do appreciate in terms of inventions for example, can become overwhelmingly appealing for someone. Its might really want to make you go out and run and shout in the streets: Im English goddammit! Well done me! I made the Victorian era myself! Woooo! Rather than, is what am I doing with my life of any consequence? We only have to have to look upon Rhodesia, named after Cecil Rhodes, one man, one name to see the strangeness of the act. I would feel very weird indeed to be proud of my children being from the country Cecil Rhodes ‘invented’ so to speak. I would feel proud of the daily smile on my children faces, not on them belonging to this random territory.

Yet to subscribe to a nationality, to this principle of division is to me, to ignore the long history of humanity, our migration, our sharing, our eclectic cultural heritage, it doesn’t matter where you are or who you are, you have a little bit of everyone in you. Time to act like it. Time to feel proud of the work you do every day for whatever piece of land you happen to be standing on, rather than reminiscence on a past you might not even understand properly. It’s time to acknowledge your humanity first, our similarities. The sense of community will naturally follow when we actually interact and respect each other. A community is formed of people you have shared interests with, not interests bestowed upon you by politicians and individual interests.

One day I want to hear a story that goes like:

“Once upon a time there was a planet where people feared each other, they built walls to hide from each other, but still looked upon others to make their life decisions. Once upon a time there was a planet where people had everything they needed but they denied it from each other, because they felt different from each other. Once upon a time, there was such a planet, were everyone was waiting to be saved by another, instead of saving themselves and one another. Once upon a time there was a thing called patriotism which kept them away from one another. Believe it or not, that is how people lived in this so called planet. Once upon a time.... but not anymore.”

Good bye

By: Eliza Veretilo

My kid's crippled wings...

I believe in transcendence. I feel transcendence. I am a witness of the unbreakable human spirit rising from the ashes into greatness, into eternity. That's what I understand by transcendence and I believe in it. I believe in actions done where there was no hope left, and from them, real changes, real miracles happening.
I believe in happiness defeating despair. I believe that we are able to create our own happiness and I believe in meaning. I believe in the infinite capacity of human beings and I believe in our inherent goodness. I look at the horrible and chaotic world around us and I still believe. Why? How? I see ignorance as our enemy, when we ignore, when we know better but don't act better, that's where our downfall lays, and a pretty deep downfall too.

For a month or so I've been working at a Center for young offenders, delinquents and problem kids. The interesting thing about these misfits is that instead of being completely impossible to rule and complete mavericks and different... they are not. They are just like each other kid, except with less to loose. They are not original heroes, they are children who have fallen through the gaps of a system, a system designed so that some inevitably loose. Here are the losers, craving they last stance to worthiness: street credibility. They are victims and also perpetrators of their situation. They were told they can have no dreams and they believe it thus they don't try. The spit out what the media feeds in. Yet they have so much energy...

Give them a life-line and watch them grab it. Give them some light, an exit, help them make sense, and they take it. They are a good thermometer to measure what works and what doesn't, because these traumatized souls require you to explain why they need to do this or other exercise... and if you have a reason, they will do it. Thus I still believe in transcendence, because I see their broken creativity try to be and to float on a murky sea where they live. Transcendence doesn't deny struggle. I work with a group of four girls, I'm gonna try to re-establish their brain connections. They need colours, shapes, music, they need something that grabs their attention but doesn't break them. They are too young to decide the rest of their lives, I am too young to decide the rest of my life too, but they are not too old to patch up the gaps, to re-find their kindness, their softness, their intelligence, and with that at hand, we can do anything.

The somnambulists

The day... the amazing synchronicity, mainly. I can see them clearer. Maybe.

Here is a story, or the recalling of a dream...

The world of the somnambulists. Half asleep. Eyes always squinting as if because of the light. Half way between truth and lies. Ahhh but they wont turn around, since they prefer the ground. Crawl and howl! Twice she fell through the gap. When the dream feels this real, its hard to wake up.. He was walking around, yes, in circles, and then he told her a poem. First he asked for permission and dipped his feet into a small pond. A puddle of grey-ish tones. She claimed not to have much time left. Hurry. He started. You do rock me like a ship in the open sea. She could feel all the feelings but she couldn't see the sea. She had to go, like a wave. She was being called from another world. The call from another world. He wrapped his thoughts in a towel and mounted them onto a horse. Off we go. She woke up in a sweat and yes, there was an injured bird in her bed. Its feathers red. Dark red blood on bright red feathers, the bird also had some blue feathers. She turned around and curled up. Blanket in hand. She tried to ignore the bird, the elephant in the room and the day ahead. The bird suddenly started to make a sound. She recognized the first eerie, then familiar sound... children screaming in a playground.... She was then back in school running around with all the little children, scattered around like lost butterflies. The sleepers are expert escapists, specially when it comes to escaping their own selves.
She was her, she was her teacher, she was a man with a beard all dressed in grey, all at the same time. They all tried to fit into a small box. So small. She woke up out of discomfort. The bird was by then gone and the day was thus born. She got her legs out of the covers and slid her feet into a pair of sleepers., to avoid cold meetings with the floor.
The only problem with the world of the somnambulists is that it assumes that anybody, at all, is awake.

dreaming state.

Saving the world through a mustard seed.

It's 2012. The world is pretty mad. Political instability, economic crises, war going on even though we have been talking about peace and the brotherhood on man for a while. Technology is on a role, each new gadgets does something even more incredible and therefore you do even less. And then there is world hunger and world obesity going on at the same time. There is no Berlin wall falling or Chinese Revolution or the discovery of new lands happening, but anyway you see it, these are crazy times.
I am sure not to be the only one to have had this thought of changing the world, of saving the world! I have heard it so many times its almost a cliche actually. But what can we actually do?
I found a way, a something that gives me hope because it is so ethical and sustainable that looks like a way of saving the world.
Perhaps you have heard of organic farming, perhaps you think its something far removed and practiced by hippies or something. Its more than that. Organic farming is a way of fixing so many of the issues that make our world so crazy.
Organic farms are first of all, completely ecological and don't use oil based pesticides which are a big source of pollution (the fact that they don't use these pesticides is what makes them organic). They work with the ecosystem and allow natural environments to be what they are meant to be. The land stays fertile and your food is healthier. Because this farms are focused on local action and the people who work in them are mainly volunteers, this farms create a real sense of community. You know you grows the food you eat! Therefore you have more communication and become more involved with the area where you live, which means that if the council wants to build a bridge for example, on top of a beautiful garden, you know what's happening and can take action. Imagine if that happened around the whole world!
One of the reasons why there is a famine in Africa is because much of the water that can be used for growing crops is redirected for growing palm oil and roses and different things that Africa exports to Europe (mainly). The idea is that the money made by selling the exported goods aids the economy. The problem? People don't have land and water to grow the food they need to survive! Its a terrible situation that could be fixed with thinking locally. The big businesses are taking it all, we need to reclaim it back and food is definitely a good place to start. Caring about organic food means that you will add more vegetables into your diet and less crap, which also targets the obesity problem, by eating healthier and having a relation with what you eat. My claim isn't that you should go work in an organic farm, but if you have time, perhaps its not such a bad idea. Also, money has a voice now a days, if you choose to buy local organic produce rather than mass produced 'who knows what it's in it' imported stuff, you will be doing a bit both for your health, and for the world.

This is a great organic farm in the edge of London, check it out: http://www.organiclea.org.uk/

Art as an explanation to everything...

To write about art philosophically is to me, to match two seemingly different worlds that treat seemingly different things. But they are not so different; both art and philosophy exist to fulfil the same desire, the human desire for meaning. Art has been a major part of human history and development, art has been our way of saying ‘we existed’. Thus art has walked hand in hand with humans throughout our millennia of experience. No one can tell you more than a philosopher that truth doesn’t come naked, it comes in disguise. Humans have since forever tried to undress it and the only way to make sense or explain the unexplainable is art. The history of art is the history of symbols and the history of symbols is the history of human life itself.

For a while I thought that Western rationalisation of thought had killed philosophy as such. Western reductionism limits that scope in which we can speculate about human life, as if nothing could be a possibility unless it logically made sense and fitted under a microscope. Logic to an extent cuts the wings of human inquiry. At a public level, this seems fitting and very rational, but at a personal level, we believe in profound realities and that’s were art and other numinous aspects come in. Art fills in the infinite pain that we have, because of our lack of understanding, because of our helplessness in the universe. Art heals our burns like cool water, we look, hear and feel symbols that reach deep into our collective human conscious and unconscious and whatever experience. Art that touches your pain is incomparable. Art reminds us that we do understand, only that we understand with different eyes.

The reason why I think art is so important is because it keeps its status of enigmatic, even in our times dominated by science and technology. Artist are treated different, as carriers of the truth but not important enough to be fed. The job of art is to transform our experiences, sensations, feelings and thoughts into symbols, into music and into something that can last in the memory of humans. In Richard Dawkins words, we don’t just leave behind genetic material, but we also leave MEMEs, little bits of our creative self, in the shape of art, like things you don’t think are art, like the way you like to fold your tissue. Art goes beyond the objective, beyond the times, as if its symbols gave us a little more access to eternity. It is not a coincidence that Religions are charged with art, art is symbolic and symbols are signs and expressions of our millennia of accumulated human experience, the pain is no new, the doubt is not new, art is not new.

Feelings and sensitivity are given to us just by being born, same as reason. Artists use them and transmute these into symbols, colours, sounds, words. The job of an artist is continuous, like experience. We are constantly receiving something from the external world and that has to be transmitted. Everyone should do art, constantly, any type of art. It’s better than psychotherapy, it’s the coat of varnish that will truly help you visualise the mess that you have been turning your head into. Expressive, representative, free of worries, creative, personal, impossible, based on reality, that doesn’t need to make sense but ends up making more sense, neutral, angry, happy, passionate make art. 

Create and Connect

Sometimes, when I become too sociable and go out too much I loose touch with creating. You start talking and mingling and of course, and the best one: sharing with people. But this strange thing happens to me you see, that I start to drift into sharing with people so much that I neglect doing. Is this a general occurrence  That you become a bee that flies from flower to flower, rather than a working bee that collects the honey. This little metaphor tries to say that I have stopped creating... for the days I became sociable. All sorts of strange thoughts then start to creep in when you don't create. The fear of not knowing what to do next. What to follow work with. Why. How. Then you start to compare. Big mistake. The emptiness of the words as you tell people you write poems/songs/paint things when you haven't done any of those things in a while! Breathe. Collect yourself. Remember your mind needs recharging, it needs to take breaks.

Creating is a very similar process to so called mingling. You do it for the people, you share with them, ideally your honest thoughts and feelings. I do both out of love for them, out of curiosity about them, out of a need to learn about them. And thus they are not so dissimilar. But at the same time, time runs like sand, its time to get to work. Some artists become hermits in a way, they isolate from people and dedicate to their work. I work better that way, but people are part of the world, I work for people, can't obviate people, shouldn't avoid them.

Thus the issue becomes a matter of balance again, of course. How to create and connect? How to go out and see the humans in action and also create in the peace of solitude? How to come back to the point of creativity among the seas of activity?
Well I am certainly looking for the answers and will let you know if I have any luck.

Free writing on a train...

Truth is? Well anything I can say about it, I can only say it symbolically. I cannot escape the symbols. Can you?
Like an invisible cage of some flimsy sort, a filtering film that changes all, ever so slightly. But all becomes different nonetheless. I remain on one side of the film, trying to be acquainted with purity, sometimes...
Looking at the people next to me, they look at each other, imitated behaviour. I watch them, they do as their neighbour. I watch them watch me. I smirk. The important remains invisible, symbolically.
Maybe its the strong influence of my right brain. Disorder, Art, Innit.
If I wrote my story word by word it would still be a symbol. If I wrote your story word by word, I still wouldn't know you.
Red blood.
The table across of me was full and now stays empty. The people are gone. I replace them with a water bottle, an orange and a book. The landscape escapes my avid gaze. I try to trap it with my memory but its gone already.
The books. The Art of Loving and the Art of Living. Gender swapping. Psychologically we are everyone else at some point. We try to avoid the thought that we could or can be the worst. Love so hard. Act with more direction. Pay attention.
Plant good seeds.... Metaphorically and physically soon. Well, at least create a new melody! Brighter colours. Vivid colours. Full colours. All before the winter comes.

(somewhere in Scotland, I believe)

Use what you learn.

Hullo world! haven't been posting for a while... I have been doing many non-digital activities such as playing the guitar. Very fun. I recommend.
About the Blog, from now on I decided to update to this blogs, the articles I write for a Newsletter called The Philosophy Takeaway. So here it goes:
Use what you learn

Life is a lesson. We fall and get up, and when we do, get up, we are awarded with a lesson. We learn something new. So this life thing is constant learning process as we expand our circle of experience. Don’t agree? Well, you are entitled to it, but much evidence points to it. Our vocabulary inclines to takes us from one premise to another in a succession that builds up from what was previously said thus our language and its structure are designed for instruction, for teaching and learning, sharing and listening. Our institutions are the same, we begin at school and parents want their children ‘to learn’. We then go to college and etc. And there are learning courses everywhere. In my opinion this idea is somehow flawed. We assume that we learn in the first part of our life and in the second part we use that knowledge. I believe both processes are constantly going on whether we want it or not, simultaneously; but we don’t have such a big element of control. Control is gained with awareness. Planet Earth seems like a big training ground sometimes, of our chosen subjects and of life of course. Surviving is thus a learning activity.

                                         The extent of our rational analysis still doesn’t change certain laws of nature, such as cause and effect. We are responsible of the consequences that stem from our actions and thus we are rational and can become more conscientious of what we do. This is why I propose that people should use all these lessons gathered in life, practically. We think we do, but do we really? We are so keen to learn from other people experiences, for example when we hear someone has done something terrible we say ‘Oh but I would never do that!’. We say. Unfortunately, all our education and gathering of experiences still has not sank in deep enough; we don’t usually act on what we know.

                                         My proposal is quite simple. Regardless of the economic system, the government and the weather, we could have a much better life if we lived it with awareness. If we took what we constantly learn and used it, instead of turning a blind eye on it or become lazy with our ideals we would save ourselves and world much loss and suffering. For example: if you think it’s unethical that when tuna are fished some dolphins get trapped in the nets, well then buy line fished tuna instead. In this world, unfortunately our money has a voice and a vote, so that is a place to apply our principles. This is a small example, but it can be applied to any aspect of life. If we do a little self evaluation, we will find that we do things that we know we know better than doing them. We can change this, by using what we have learnt and keep learning, expanding our world. Saying this, using what we have learnt does not mean charity, I believe that one person living an aware life, acting upon what they have learnt, will have a lifestyle that prevents poverty in the first place. Thus a person living a life well lived is worth more than ten who live a completely upside down life, perpetuator of chaos, and then give money to charity.

                                         Constantly adults tell children to apply the lesson they have taught them into their life. We say ‘didn’t you learn that at school’ we say ‘haven’t I taught you that before’ we say ‘you should know better’. But when was the last time we looked at ourselves and said the same things and actually lived by them. We constantly learn new skills; we learn how to use a new phone or how to take a bus to a new place, but our life lessons... do we apply them? Why being aware of what we do? Why are we rational? Because only awareness can reconcile chaos. Thus I say: Use what you learn. 

The person you need in your life...

Most of us seat and daydream, daydream so hard and so long about the X person we need in our life, so we can have a better life, so we can be finally happy. A partner usually, a boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/lover and external being to complete our seemingly meaningless life. Sometimes we think we need a different mother, a teacher, a better boss in order to achieve.
What I have learnt in my twists and turns in planet Earth is that if you 'need a person in your life' the best for you is TO BE that needed person. Sounds weird, yet its simple. If you want a better partner, be a better partner, to yourself. Be that mother, be that teacher, be kind, actually, be nice sometimes, stop looking outside. To expect that complement to come from outside is to stay on the level of wishful thinking, you will for ever think life is unfair because it doesn't send you a pre-packed human being. Be it. You want someone irresistible and caring and that listens and encourages and supports you? Be irresistible. Be caring. Listen. Encourage yourself and others. Support yourself and others again. Play the part in the world, transform it with your music.
Be the person you need in your life. And no, I'm not talking about eternal loneliness with you as your own best friend (although that wouldn't be too bad) I'm saying that when you become the person you need... other people will be attracted to you and your encouraging, loving, supportive, funny, irresistible personality and ways. Because you are worth it for yourself. When you practice tolerance and love to yourself, loving others, just as they are, becomes easy, becomes fun, becomes free. And so, you can choose the people that make you happy and don't try to change the ones that don't, let them go. Next person you love, doesn't have to be 'what you need', but whatever they are will be perfect, because you will then really get to discover, each other.

Self-motivational words for you and me...

Personal growth does not happen in a straight line that goes up, like an arrow, as it's been by so many people portrayed. Growth goes in waves, up and down, wavy, in circles, non-static, growth is anything but single lined, single-minded. Personal growth and creation is the best we can do out of our brief life, or brief existence humans, here. I can't begin to stress how important growth is, to consciously better yourself, or anything. Yet, nowadays, growth is seen as a means to an end, usually money. 

Humans show you both anatomically and mentally that we are meant for growth or development. Like when you work a muscle and it gets stronger or you can train your lungs or flexibility, your body is there basically to be molded by you, to be your instrument, it only has a basic shape but it is entirely up to you on how you use this organism. Yet we insist on feeling trapped in it and feed it crap and try to cover it up with all sorts of potions that do nothing but poison our skin. Oh dear oh dear... Why drink water from the gutter when you can go to a spring? Why sit on a sofa watching other people's fake life when you can dance and sing?

Escapism.

To seek constancy is to seek to be static, to be unchanging is to not grow. Being fixed is not an achievement, because there is no 'top'. If you stop developing or stop learning, there is only one simple name for it, its giving up. Imagine if a doctor got his medicine degree and went on to practice and was a doctor for lets say 5 years, the medicine he would be practicing would be so outdated that it might be dangerous for him to treat people, he wouldn't know what medicines are around, what technology is around, nothing of the advances of medicine, which is actually pretty fast. In the same way, if a doctor can't stop learning, what makes people think they can? Why do we do it to ourselves? Why do we live this ridiculous comfortable existences that give us sporadic glimpses of happiness and a lot of fear and appearances and nothing else? Why? 

I sat around with my friends doing nothing. Literally nothing, we were kind of looking at each other's faces. I could sense the expectations in their eyes. They await to be entertained. They await for happiness, fun, even meaning to come from outside. They sit like public and let life go past. 

That's what annoyed me so much of that evening of doing nothing, how everyone felt and acted like an spectator, not an actor, of life. Laziness becomes the state of being, the disguise with which we cover our fear, our presumed lack of power, when we actually have all the power. We grow used to things to quickly, even bad things. Some say adaptation is a virtue, I say change the world and adapt it to you.

I've always felt this depth, not heaviness, but I feel deep inside me a sort of sadness, a caring of things, like things were really ancient, and important and sacred and valuable and alive and every word said was heard, like a spell. A feeling. A force. To use that force? To strive for something? To get some skills to make my days worth living. To make your days worth living. To unlock, to open up, to exist, to show, to create, to be, to move, to fall, to break, to breathe, to improve, to erase, to do... self-motivational words for you and me, that will hopefully stir at least the leafs. 

azile

The Last Days- 25, 26, 27, 28, 29 and 30. The End

The end of the challenge. Unfortunately, I am not consistent enough to have written up every day everything I learnt. Essentially, this challenge time was a time to teach myself things and be more aware of my learning and surroundings. Two years ago I taught myself how to paint, I'm getting better all the time. This time I taught myself how to play guitar. I'm just starting. And all the time we are learning how to live. And why is this important or even worth mentioning you may ask? Well, its because in this day and age of uncertainty, when the world looks so mad (and it really is) the only thing you can 'have' are your skills. Teaching yourself or learning skills is incredibly important, for self-development, for creativity, to simply make something out of your brief visit to planet Earth; and when you try, something, it can be a wonderful place.
That is what I have learnt during this past 30 days. To enter information into my life, to learn more and try to know more and help more. People are really scared, we only have to look around, so if you can shake that fear of, because we are better than that and do something amazing, or anything at all, if we complain when something is unfair and do something creative, then we make this thing worth living. You may say that in destiny, everything is meant to be, you can say, but it rather is meant to be made, by you. I learnt to do something, be more honest, take more action and not live in regret. Everyday I learn to trust yet to be careful. To learn something important about our world, such as how the Federal Reserve works and also to get lost in a novel, some music or doing a painting. What can I say? Make. Your. Days. Count.

THE END.

Days 21, 22, 23 and 24- Accelerated Learning

Again, I haven't been able to keep up with this blog daily. I guess that is why I couldn't keep a 9 to 5 job. Inconsistency. I work in spurts of energy. That's how I function. Still, the learning has actually been consistent, great and I would even say, accelerated. Maybe the numerology equivalent of the dates will help me explain: 18+19+20+21=78=7+8=17 1+7=8
Is a number that resolves dualities, its a number of expansion. Lately I have felt that my life is doing nothing but expanding. To see things more clearly. To breathe freedom. Knowledge is definitely freedom and power, specially over yourself. 8 connects spirit and matter. What can I say? I live for my spirit, how else is one to live, but we have to maintain this body. Happiness. Is it to know or to create? Creativity is the hue that paints my world with meaning. 8 also means developing confidence to follow a vision and breaks down barriers of transformation, reality, courage. Today I felt that the Universe likes me, thanks.
There was an eclipse last night. I spent it in a special place of this park, with a very good person. What happened? Grounded-ness, a bit of peace for my heart in this corner of the world, in the middle of such a hectic city as London.
If that peace could have been expanded and made to cover Earth like a blanket... if only.
So, in this life I learn to live... between stars, grass, arguments, love, music, jealousy, indecision, memories, milk, bread, chess, beds, embraces, knowledge, woods and disguised pixies. Clearing the path, a voice in the back of my head says. The path. For you, my friend.

Out of love I want to tell you that I don't want to rid you of your demons. Deal with them. Purify yourself. Face. The. Music.

Day 20- Navigating through Life

17th of May 1+7=8 again. Spiritually, 8 is the goal of the initiate, after going through 7 stages. I have my second to last exam tomorrow, so it's not graduation time yet, but in other senses, today was a day of goals.
8 is the symbol of infinity, only standing up. A man in a shop asked me where I was from. I told him and asked him where he though I was from, he said 'anywhere, everywhere'; he sounded slightly disappointed that I wasn't Chinese. I like to have an infinite possibility of places to belong to, in my face.
Today has felt like my heart is sitting on the edge of a razor blade, unsafe, sharp, but somehow not as dangerous as it sounds, although it could be. I've navigated through life with a fraction of a second timing and a nervous heart, still, everything keeps working out perfectly, in the end.
I almost got ran over by a car, it missed me by a millimeter, I bought a coffee and had the exact money. Really small yet interesting things. Like a security guard that didn't let me enter a building, I had to get a card of some sort, got the card, turns out I needed the card for some other things and would not have gotten it otherwise. The man in the counter looked hypnotized, he even forgot to charge me. People can act so strange.
The only reason why we can't see order is because we don't understand order, I believe.
An incredibly beautiful woman was standing outside the station holding a McDonalds sign. I looked at her and she sensed the disbelief in my eyes, she laughed, I laughed, this is how my disillusionment in the world gets refreshed and then broken down, everyday. So ridiculous. She shouldn't have been there, but maybe she did. Some times all I can say is 'what do I know?'To then find perfection in the development of life. If we could only see the bigger circle outside the small circle of our mundane problems... if we could read the clues of the universe, interpret the symbols and talk with infinity, if only. Still, today I navigated through life with considerable grace, wrote a poem and even if my heart felt as unstable as ever, at least, at the very least, it always feels something, something intense. Oh and for tomorrow, wish me luck.

Some Concentric Circles that compose our world.

Days 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19!!!

The reason why I haven't lived up to my challenge (blog wise) this past few days has been that I went to Liverpool, for a long, amazing weekend to celebrate the birthdays of 2 very special people indeed.
The dates have been: 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 and 16. To follow my numerology pattern, I will add up all the numbers and the total number will be the number that will somehow explain the reality of the moment.
1+1+1+2+1+3+1+4+1+5+1+6=27   2+7=9
9 The highest degree of change.

this painting is called Dreams Door by Kevin Hooker. And there could not be a more appropriate image to describe the mental journeys that have been taking place on this past 6 days.
9 is a number of completion and fulfillment. I can say, that in my friend's (beautiful M&M) flat and in some incredible hideouts in the streets of Liverpool, I enjoyed my existence to the fullest.
Life has a certain way to elevate you and ground you. The Earthly Paradise. The Dreams Door.

Days 12 and 13- Nocturnal Reality

9th (yesterday) is in numerology an all powerful number, means completion and attainment. Beginning and End. At this point I have finished half of my year, which mean I'm very close to graduating. I still tend to loose myself. I tend to loose my way and wander into the night. I build things up and get myself full of hopes and then mess it up. Emotional life seems like a collection of ups and downs, moments worth living for, and moments not so good.... still worth living for :) Live music has turned into my savior. From jazz rescuing my heart from the grasp of melancholy, to a classical piano elevating my whole being, my soul, to a pop-ish gig where my best friends and I dance till our bodies drop, to a group of beat boxers in the train, putting some color in the life of the passers by. Life. Each one so different, remind me of the many levels we are composed of.
I some times loose my way, I sometimes loose my self. Drugs. 9 is a highly spiritual number. My best friend and I saw reality differently  yesterday, it was our world, it all made sense for a night. It all makes sense anyway, when you are willing to perceive it with your heart. I succeed and fail at the same time, like a warrior with a vulnerable mind. I'm trying to wake her up. In some cultures 9 represents supreme intelligence. Ours was numb and twisted and sometimes very deep and sometimes very superficial. We danced and then we danced in our minds.

paper we wrote last night. Each one had one side and couldn't see what the other was writing. Pure smokey honesty. The best comes out.
Today is the 10th. After a nocturnal raw soul exploration, raw raw raw, the 10th appears as Rebirth, or that which stirs and awakens your soul at this time. As usual I can say 'what have I done?'
Ten is the number of the cosmos. I feel no doubts, I just don't know how to approach you, or him or her. The decad contains all numbers and therefore all things and possibilities. You can do whatever, you know.

Ten is also the number of completion of journeys and returns to origins. Like things moving in a circle. I owed you that night. I want to tell her. You and my old self have a long story don't we...
Recover, remember, re-set, rebirth. She says I have more experience of the world than I think, I smile. Who knows. Today we can decide whether we sink with the Babylonian boat, or we fly or we float.

Day 11- Strength

8th. 888. Spiritually 8 is gaining a goal. It means infinity, means regaining paradise.
Eight is solidarity, as the first cube and it shows perfection by virtue of it's six surfaces. Eight represents the pairs of opposites. The octagon is the beginning of the transformation of the square into a circle and vice versa. Perfect rhythm.
I did my last presentation today, for my course. Mind and Madness, a class I've attended every Tuesday for a year is over. There was an anti-climax, followed by regeneration. 8 is the number of intelligence. Hopefully I used mine.... Sleep and Jazz followed. 8 is also the number of resurrection. After 7 days of fasting 8 comes with renewal. Today I truly felt that time was mine, for a while I felt compelled to do certain things, today was fully my choice. Indecision did knock at my door but in the end, you have to breath deep and say 'yes' and 'no' to your choices.
In Buddhism 8 compresses all possibilities. At the end, any possibility compresses all possibilitites. I found my self with one foot in and another out the door. Hesitant. In the end I went out, the night felt surprisingly how I felt inside. Warm yet dark and sometimes cold. I just let the wind take me. Went to see music. That was my celebration. Music makes me be in the moment, not expecting. Even the saddest pieces made me smile. 8 is regeneration and rebirth. And the number of Thoth.

Again, 8 is the number of all possibilities. I started a new painting. 8 is the number of immortality. Immortal. 888. This is a surreal version of card 8 in the Tarot, Strength.

Days 9 and 10- Productivity and Divinity

I have yet again had to compress 2 days into one post. This time, I've been thinking about the purpose of this whole challenge, it seemed so important, yet so vague. I guess what it really does for me, as any routine or activity that people do with constancy, is to ground you. It gives you an opportunity to analyse how things are, where they are heading and the relation to numerology helps me to see 'coincidences' or patterns in daily life.
The 6th of May, as 6 represents equilibrium; harmony, balance, it was a good day, dedicated in trying to keep balance within the people I interact (my family, friends) although lately I find solitude to soothing...  1+2+3=6 thus is also is the most productive of all numbers. I have found myself doing so many little projects, learning so many little (yet important) things that I need to be productive, at least in one. People around me seem to have this 'productive' state of mind going on too. Finish what I started, I'm so close.
Six is the symbol of luck; love; health; beauty; chance. Lovely. I am grateful with life in that at the minute, I seem to have luck, love, health and the world is beautiful. The chaos. Beautiful still. Life can be like the winning number at the throw of the dice, a rolling 6 if you let it.

If 6 represents humanity, then 7 (7th of May) is the center of the spiral, it's humanity's connection to its source, god consciousness or whatever you name it. Seven, ladies and gentlemen, is the number of the Universe. It is the three of the heavens (soul) combined with the four (body) of the earth; being the first number containing both the spiritual and the temporal. 7 also represents the virginity of the Great Mother, feminine archetype/ She who creates! Today, besides productivity, I have been guided to have a look at the divine. Why do we want to do things for at the end of the day? For a better world? To satisfy our souls? To live a life for livings sake? Underlying meaning, I seek for you.

There are 7:
ages of man
ancient wonders of the world
circles of Universe
cosmic stages
days of the week
musical notes - sound as frequency plays a key roll in matters of Universe. MUSIC. Deep language.
To create for a higher meaning, to live in all fullness... it's difficult, this life thing.