Queens in the making

Isolation. Because the world around you does nothing but confuse you. You forgot what your own voice sounds like. You talk in movie quotes, slogans, old quotes, new quotes, streaming slang, anything.. but your thoughts. My thoughts, you think, and that makes you want to shut down. Hybernate. Plainly hide. Spend some much needed time, an eternity perhaps, with yourself. But that turns into a trap, if you immerse yourself too much into your self. So much that both the words you say and the words you hear in reply have the same tone, the same music, and come from the same mouth. You stop recognizing the world outside, the solid things that you fought for, desired, craved or feared...
Then you stop recognizing your own body. Your own hands look foreign... Your thoughts drift so, so far away.
I got out and paid a high price for a decent conversation. I gave up my kingdom. I let my bubble kingdom burst. That apple of knowledge looked so tasty. I thought I could do better if I knew better.
But what for do we need know more words to articulate the same feeling of being lost, loneliness, human-ness. Isolation threatens to be the only exit again. Run.
I remained a queen in the making, blow me another bubble. Waiting to conquer the inventions and questions of ancient minds. Craving the ideas built on ideas of ideas of ideas of bodies that don't even recognise themselves.
Needless words... I pursue your crown and not the crown of gold.
Daydream into a higher dream, day dream into can, want, wish.
I now pride myself in not trying normality, in not being grounded, in being alone and almost permanently misunderstood. Shine with your alien halo. Beautiful. I walk not knowing where I go. Walk.
That's when you let yourself know that you have a chase, to the kingdom of truth.
There are no castles, let alone buildings. Only uncertainty and an empty field, as vast as imagination can push it. Infinite. Filled up with nothing but potentiality, what will be? Let anything be. Possibilities fill your mind like water water the watery plant, a stream of possibilitites. That mind cant recognize its own hands, its own body, its own instrument of existence.
I wanted to tell you how I feel, but my mouth needs no human ears... it needs a heavenly microphone to shout out till my voice is gone and there's is nothing but silence, silence is the only answer now.
She will be queen, he will be king and then they will vanish and disappear, and progress will be a good name to tag the legacy of confusion they left us.

Give it a go today

you say its hard to get up from bed,
it seems that once you get used to something,
its time to change...
you drag yourself around, like a bag full of pains,
you don't want to look up, in case it rains...
you wrap yourself in layers of all kinds of stuff,
thicker and thicker each time,
not just in case of the cold
but you run from the touch of love.
you frown so much,
your forehead looks like a tree bark,
you are afraid of fires when you see sparks...
you do the same thing, again and again
and postpone your dreams, put them up in shelves
you walk around feeling small, tiny like an elf
I tell you, I ask you
give it a go today
don't drag your feet, run instead
stop looking for the sky on the floor, lift your head
don't frown any more, flirt and smile
sit on a sledge and let life slide.
to be numb is not better than to feel pain,
to be numb is to waste a heart, a life, time and a brain...
go out get messy, get some stains
dont stay in that bubble of cyclic thoughts
im here today, give it a go
you can go back to bed tomorrow if you didnt like the taste,
but please i beg you, dont turn your life into a waste.

Sometimes

Sometimes you just got to admit it to yourself, you need to stop working for somebody else.
Stop selling so cheap the precious seconds that life is made of. I want to know the stuff that you are made of.
Yes, I got somewhere and I did it all by myself, I said,
but I wasn't alone, not for one second of the game.
You need eyeballs in every side of your head,
don't miss the parallel stories, don't loose the plot
you might have to catch that train to remain sane,
come on, fill the spot.
As we keep playing the trading game,
we trade remarks, laughs, smiles, livers and brains we trade,
I keep thinking I'm too aware to loose myself.
Yes, to know the stuff that dreams are made of,
show me the stuff that keeps them close.
Once you get there you'll be happy for ever,
keep telling that to yourself
the biggest fattest lie Ive ever heard...
Sometimes I use some days just to let my thoughts breathe and they go for walks,
It may seem strange as this doesn't happen in the outside world,
But if I went to the street with my mind on a leash,
I would certainly choke.
The rain falls constant and steady,
follows a pace, as if the one before was ready
committing suicide against the windshield, pointless.
It looks like what the passing of time feels like.
DROP, SECOND, DROP, SECOND, DROP...
I offered my hand, again and again
they grabbed my elbow, whose to blame?
Sometimes I imagine,
what a soldier in the front line must feel like
you hurt like a bullet, straight to the heart.
You tried to grab time and keep it,
you spent every waking second
transforming empty instants into empty actions,
playing with the sand of time with no ratios.
You could not pace yourself,
you had to jump, straight ahead in the race...
You're running out of fuel,
but you still remained first
still vain and scared to age.
You told me that I should leave you to figure things out for yourself,
all I see now is a robot,
that doesn't make his bed.
You keep trying to lock time,
but time is fate,
it chases your ankles, not your success.
No jar can contain it,
No place can contain you
and no mind can contain me.
You ran away, again
I'm not going to wait for you... like a snail waiting for an arrow
your scape was narrow
but you lost your compass on the way.
Sometimes there is no place for a paced heart beat in your game.

When the music is over...

and there is dishes and glasses and pieces and mind flashes to pick up,
that's where I exist, inhabit, hide and chill.

The moment when the fun is over and a hug is needed, find me there.

now that the excitement has worn out, and a week of no-studying has ended, and all the beautiful young people are tired and ready to rest it down... they are.
find me in the useless struggle to keep it clean and cool and fresh and light and new and pure and away from the corrosive liquids of a deceiving smile.

I find other sides of every one's heart in every turn of the face,
some hide and are safe, some run and are safe, some avoid and are safe,
but not for long.
That thing finds us all.

Understatement...

Find a road, start to walk... what direction? what for?
Follow the beat of your heart? Yes, let it speak. You're still young, you're still sweet...
Let your understated dreams jump to the forefront scene. Forget the views of those, who don't know whats good for us.
Let your heart take the place of you president and your mayor. Give your shoes the place of the tube.
Be always thristy.
Look at the floor when you walk every now and then. Look at her face, not at her clothes.

Words that collide into worlds...

The world you go and get every morning, is different from the world I end up getting in the afternoon.
Your eyes are different. You're so warm, I'm so lost. You are so vain... I'm turning into you. Stop me before the edge.
Tell us the story, I know you're not boring. Lyrics thrown into the disjointed words of a deep heart. A deep aching self that found others... Other colourful ones. So young, so young. Oh but he thinks he's the king of the world. And she thinks she's fantastic. And so many words creates those worlds.
The one you get every morning and I pick up every evening. And then you join me and then you smile and I make you feel down and then I give you my heart, my attention, my dreams once again.
You, me, the colours. For ever your face in my memory, and yours too and your name in the tips of my fingers. And our hands still ache from all that work. All that creating and destroying we did, was exhausting.
and love keeps coming and going, deep, shallow... shallow worlds that collide and become without wanting it, deeper.

azile.

I saw

I saw what I needed to keep me awake and to make me sleep.
I saw the past and future inter cross in the shape of a old man skipping ropes.
I saw my own mouth talking to me in a foreign language and begging me to understand that what was outside was what was the inside as well.

I saw my own shadow run to embrace yours
as my body stayed motionless on the floor.

I saw the line between a tall rock and the sea,
clashing, splashing, creating the most visually musical landscape of drops I've ever seen.

And the old sun shinning above, making everything clear.

I saw you stealing a bar of gold
from the pocket of misery
and sell it for the highest price to hope.

I saw the fire burning your ankles that made you dance all night.
I saw the stain and I saw the scar.

I saw your pain contained in a jar.
I saw war through the eyes of mud, stepped over, only able to make you slip and fall.
I saw you leave.

I saw the world through a magnifying glass.
I made it gigantic and bang. big bang.

I saw skies of black obsidian, splashed with morning dew in the middle of the night.

I saw the man with the suitcase on his way to court
courting your fear, taking your faith and your glow.

I saw my own smile in the mirror and it made me laugh some more. It was like hidden sadness, sadness and hope.

I saw a chainsaw run and felt unable to believe, believe you, believe this...

I saw ageing in a girl I saw ageing in a plant.
I saw my own eyebrows changing shape. I said Ill do it tomorrow but clocks don't wait.

I saw a year pass, everyone thought it was the last.
But the earth only spanned once.

azile x